The most pathetic situation of today’s generation or society is that it does not have a proper understanding of the deeds we are doing in our life. In my twenty five years of teaching experience as a professor, I have asked college students (who are eligible for marriage) frequently one common question that what are your future plans? And I have got one typical kind of similar answer from majority of students such as making a career, getting married, settle down etc. This means that there are only two purposes of life, earning to meet financial needs and doing most traditional work that is marriage. As a teacher, I always remain interested in asking them why marriage. But unfortunately no one has given me a satisfactory answer of my questions till today. Everyone gets married so we have to do the same, for the same reason this action has been happening for years. How long is it right to be bound in a sacred bond like marriage without any understanding? According to Hindu scriptures, marriage is a sacrament. A sacrament is nothing but purifying act which makes human pure. But we don’t know what is sacrament? What is right conduct? And what is the right goal? I think maybe that’s why the number of divorces is increasing in today’s world. I read somewhere that in all our courts, if only divorce cases are disposed of by postponing other cases, there will be a backlog of cases lasting up to 11 years in family courts. The end of trouble is not possible unless there is seriousness about any work, task or deeds. Today in the world of dramas or social media like WHATAPP and other most of the jokes are seen on the relationship of husband and wife, people also enjoy it. How can we expect seriousness in this relationship that we have consciously made it funny and we condemn it when the marriage does not deliver the best and expected result, I just read a message saying “if you don’t like the girl, change the girl but what about wife?” The message that many men like is that the desire to change wives is invincible in their dormant minds as we usually know or inadvertently choose the one that is in the mind. Do we have ever wished to change parents, siblings or other relatives? Even if we thought of it do we expose that feeling openly in front of others? Why is only the wife a tool of jokes? And with such jokes, we teach the younger generation the same thing which can pose risks to the future of oneself and others going forward. Then perhaps we will not be able to bear it but we will have to reap what we have sown.
Marriage means the spirit of twins, twins mean connection. Marriage is a sacred relationship, spirit or connection that is a necessary and inevitable event for life. According to the scientific theory, only connection creates power. We all know that the whole universe is formed by the connection of man (PURUSH) and nature (PRAKRUTI). ARDHANARESHWAR represented in Dharma is a combination of Shiva and SHAKTI, which signifies incomparable power. Worship of this form of God teaches the human world how essential connection is for life as the power of relationship is needed to overcome every situation. There is an indispensability of special power to know, understand and experience the super consciousness which is achieved by the couple and the same purpose is also behind the marital connection. Marriage is the only way to make a progressive life. Through marriage, the friendship of two beings is strengthened and the manifestation of power becomes possible. The power that is necessary for all kinds of success as well as the attainment of divine state of mind and salvation.
RABINDHRNATH Tagore wrote that marriage is a thrilling surprise. In which individuals, despite the minimal introduction, witness the blessings of the elders, the power of mantras and the PANCHMAHABHUTAS, accept others according to the inspiration of the god of love, and believes that they will be happy. Thus the process of becoming and making very close friends is marriage, which can never be or should not be given the form of a joke. Marriage is an event that touches the whole of life. Marriage is the decisive factor in a person’s life and happiness. Spouse is a lifelong companion in that sense. That is why marriage was considered a birthright relationship sorry it was considered like that once upon a time, Now-a-day marriage has become a calculated deal. Thinking for a lifetime, getting married with the calculation of who will benefit the most from joining. That’s why probably the thrill of a wedding is gone.
In general, almost all the reasons behind marriage are very selfish. Such as fulfillment of lust, desire for children and worldly happiness, elimination of loneliness, demonstration effect (that is all are getting married why not i), expectation of support and help in every work for life so that life becomes easy, sense of security (a person feels more secure when there is family support than loneliness). Often marriages take place for all these reasons. Despite such selfish reasons, if the spiritual reasons behind marriage are understood and implemented accordingly, such selfish reasons can also be a blessing. The main spiritual reasons are 1) to control or restrict lust or sexuality in one and to observe celibacy because the only difference between the animal world and the human world is restraint. If it is not in man, then there is no difference between man and animal 2) According to Hindu scriptures, GRIHASTHASHRAM is an excellent ashram in which many philanthropic deeds have to be done, which is known as YAGNA. There are five main YAGNAS like DEVYAGNA, PITRUYAGNA, BRAHMYAGNA, MANUSHYAYAGNA and BHUTYAGNA, which are made possible by marriage 3) there is no other excellent ashram like GRIHASTHASHRAM to pay off the debt of relationships, society and creation as well as to do good deeds continuously. And the most important reason, if any, is 4) The highest ideal of the twin spirit is to place a Buddha, Jesus, Rama, Krishna, Yogi or Maharishi at the feet of the world through twins or connections. It is said to have paid off the debt of the society and the world in the true sense and if it cannot be done then not to increase the misery of the world through corrupt procreation is also a great service to the society. Marriage is not for pleasure but for penance, through which the divine object of life can be attained. 5) Apart from this, the institution of marriage is also conducive to attaining virtues like love, understanding, equality, justice. Through which the whole society can become moral and valuable. In short, many excellent aims like control of lust, social service spiritual elevation are behind marriage. Only by giving this type of real knowledge to today’s generation can the marriage institution be prevented from becoming a curse.
It is the job of religion and culture to protect and nurture marriage. Religion boost holiness and culture stabilizes values. But if religion and culture fail, marital stability becomes difficult whether the relationship is with the inanimate or with the consciousness that produces both happiness and sorrow, that is the order of the universe. This must be explained to today’s generation. Religion fills men and women with a sense of holiness by making them husband and wife. There are four main components to a marital relationship: 1) sex instinct 2) wealth instinct 3) love instinct and 4) instinct of social commitments. In the happiness that appears in each other, the strongest component of sex instinct or lust is the complete destruction of which is not possible for all but restraint is possible. Only planning with complete restraint can make life successful in every field. In the same way, there is an element of wealth in the relationship between husband and wife, according to the scriptures, a man’s masculinity is such that he does not expect money or wealth from his wife except in times of calamity. But nowadays marriage is done only after seeing the money or wealth and to get earning wife is the trend of the society.
Then love is the most important ingredient and love is nourished and grows from love itself. If one party does not have love, the other party will lose. The element of folklore then plays a part, for which many plays are played. In short, marital is a kind of penance in which it is necessary to plan sparingly for these four factors. Today’s generation has not been able to understand marriage in its true sense as education and society do not impart it to children and marriage has become a curse instead of a blessing. Although these four factors are based on the role of selfishness, the main role of marital life is to shower divine divinity at a higher level and to transform materialistic aspect and love into divine love. Person can get greater level of joy if his feelings are pure and noble with full selflessness. Thus life is an adventure. Life is not only to enjoy but to know the divine facts. Marriage is a blessing to those who know, and a curse to those who make fun out of it. Marriage should be a bridge, not a bond that binds two people together. Thus marriage is the lesson of the practice of attaining the ultimate ideal of life. The collision also illuminates the true essence of the human being, which ignites the flame of insight so as not to be frightened by the collision. Marriage can become blessing with such deep understanding is not a curse.
~ Shilpa shah – Director in-charge HKBBA college