Shilpa shah, director in-charge, HKBBA College
The world always respects virtues. Honor requires special qualities. According to the scriptures, the honor of each caste is also subject to its qualities and uniqueness, such as honoring Brahmins with knowledge, honoring KSHATRIYA with power, honoring VAISHYA with wealth or money and honoring SHUDRA with age. A Brahmin who does not have proper knowledge does not deserve respect even though he is a Brahmin, and a KSHATRIYA does not deserve respect if he does not have power, a VAISHYA does not deserve respect if he does not have moral wealth that is money which earns with moral and ethical business. A KSHATRIYA who does not fight against injustice and atrocities committed on the poor and weaker class, who does not use his power to help the needy, does not deserve respect even though he is a king. The VAISHYA’s respect is not only due to his accumulation of wealth but also to the value of how moral money he uses. The VAISHYA who uses money or wealth for welfare deserves the respect. Moreover, the SHUDRA means the servant, who has such an excellent quality of service even though he has no knowledge, power or wealth, such a squeezing of age-related experiences which is the cause of his honor.
There is a tradition and rite of respecting elders in the society which has such a deep scientific understanding behind it. When a man who is selfless, loving, and full of positivity blesses someone, it will surely give best result. But neither the knowledge by which social welfare is possible, nor the power which doesn’t have the spirit to help the weaker class, nor the spirit of charity or renunciation to use one’s accumulated wealth for the needy, nor the squeezing of experience as an elder that can be useful to society how can the man of any caste be respected without selfless service? If a person is only an elder by age but is not selfless, not service-minded, not morally-valued or not-compassionate, how can society respect such elders? When the elders are not respected by youth in the society, the society hates the youth that the modern generation has forgotten the culture, has become corrupt, do not maintain the dignity of the elders. In fact, honor is not something to be given it is something to be earned. The modern generation must be compelled to give respect if we make a sincere effort to get respect in the same way we try to earn wealth, power, knowledge etc. all our lives. Even an arrogant person in arrogance always leans towards virtues.
In fact, today’s modern-age offspring have seen their elders chasing only after wealth, criticizing, quarreling and envying others, busy trying to get ahead of others (in an unethical way) so that the young generation is unknowingly learning that if there is anything necessary in life is accumulation of wealth and it can be done in any unethical way as the world prefers power, position and money. It is not necessary to be good but looking good is very important. Almost everyone is very good on the outside but is surrounded by numerous problems at home as they make vivid drama (to look good and decent) for a while in outside relationships. Which drama is not possible for long at home and creates a problem and conflict. Respect for everyone in the society becomes possible if one is taught to be good rather than look good or pretend decent. Even so, the law of nature is “give and receive”. If you want respect as elders, teach children respect from the beginning. You must have honored your elders which would have imitated what your generation has seen. If you have taught selflessness, morality, discipline and values to the next generation, then the new generation will appreciate their elders from whom they have received excellent education. Your goodness will never be forgotten and respect will be natural.
Today the situation is that the children who are disturbed by the elders are waiting for them to leave them and the society understands that the children are waiting for the death of their parents for wealth. But that is not the case. Parents who have worshiped money under the feeling of complete insecurity (that today’s children are not going to take care of us, money is the only thing that useful) all their lives so that they cannot get help or respect from their children in time of need. At the time of need not only money but also relationships and people become useful but the condition is that the relationship should be selflessly preserved. When there was the time of elders, they have nothing left to annoy their offspring by their nature, temperament, stubbornness and inappropriate habits and they have unrealistic expectations at the end of their life. Which is usually impossible to fulfill and the expectation is not met by the elders start criticizing the younger generation and also relentlessly, which makes the relationship more toxic.
According to the law of nature, children are destined to be cared for and cohabited by their parents as long as they have wings. Means after the marriage of offspring if you expect that your son or daughter should be completely under control of parents then it is unreasonable expectation. If you had such expectations from your offspring, why you have allowed him to get married? The role of elders is to explain their offspring that now the second chapter of your life is starting where you learn to value your spouse, respect your spouse’s wishes and expectations so that the life to come becomes loving and enjoyable as now our life is not that long. But in reality, the opposite happens, no parents tolerate his son who values his wife, respects her or loves her. Saying that our son has become estranged makes his life miserable. Moreover, the parents put so much bitterness in the mind of the son about the faults of her wife that the son cannot respect the parents but also loses the loving and happy life with her spouse.
The role of elders is to create an excellent generation. Moreover, old age is the peak of knowledge that comes after many life lessons, if that time is made selfless and moral, then life of oneself and one’s generation can become a paradise. But today’s parents have been mentally bargaining since the time they planned the child that I have sacrificed so much for you that you must do that much for me. The reception of children in life is also done with the interest of preserving their old age such calculation is expected to be profitable through planning, bargaining and investment. But according to the laws of nature, deeds done by selfish calculation can never bring happiness or peace in life. If the elders wanted respect from the younger generation, they had to cultivate certain virtues. It is not that no elder is respected in the society. The elders who deserve respect, who have a treasure of virtues, a spirit of giving, the absence of selfishness, are respected not only by their own children but also by the offspring of others. This means that the young generation does not lack the virtue of respecting the right. But often the elders lack the quality required for respect which makes them miserable.
According to the scriptures there are four types of sons.
1) Debt ridden son – who comes to your house as a son to take because he has something left to pay. The only way to get rid of them is to pay them back.
2) Enemy son – who has become a son in your house to avenge any enemy of the previous birth, to maintain enmity which can only be calmed by harassing or annoying you.
3) Indifferent son – who does not do you any good or bad, stays with you till marriage and goes to live separately with his wife when he gets married.
4) Helper son – who is the result of your good deeds of many births. He is born there as a son to serve you and give you all kinds of happiness.
Thus which of these four categories your children (son or daughter) belong to depends on your own karma. The selfless doer of good never gets anything wrong or bad. Besides, not only their own people but also the others always respect them. All you need to score good deeds noble karma. How is it possible if you run after money all your life, live a hypocritical life, try to look good instead of being good and then expect your generation to respect you, take good care of you? because you expect mangos by growing acacia which is not possible according to the laws of nature.
Elders expecting respect from the younger generation must first acquire real knowledge and pass on the knowledge to the next generation. In addition, SHAKTI that is Strength or power (physical-mental-spiritual) has to be cultivated and SHAKTIDAN has to be done selflessly in the development of children wherever it is needed. No calculation or bargaining is advisable. I have sacrificed a lot for you, so you have to do it for me that kind of system is not prevails in nature, this life is the accounting of all past karmic transactions. No deals are acceptable in the kingdom of God. Self-acquired wealth has to be cultivated in the spirit of giving life to children so that children realize that it is not wealth but children that is important in the life of parents which will generate respect in their hearts. It has become ingrained in the minds of today’s generation that money is more dear to parents as they have already seen parents die for money and finally at last the lessons of life experiences should be shared among children, give them an understanding of right and wrong, help them to acquire virtues, Constantly stand by them and lovingly suggest what they need from time to time. (The manner of counseling should be very loving so as not to sound unnecessarily torture) Usually parents talk about trivial and unnecessary petty matters but serve silence when it comes to etiquette, value or morality, which is a hindrance to their honor. . I have heard most of the parents advising their children that so and so has done bad things to us in the past so that you too can realized them by teaching right lesson when the time comes. The elders do not teach the children that so and so has done us a disservice but do them good as much as you can. Such advice elevates the image of parents in the minds of children. They realize that our elders are very idealistic. We all know that imitation is the easiest way to learn anything. The behavior and actions of the elders rather than advises cannot be forgotten by the children for life. The sacrament is strengthened by imitating what the children have seen throughout their lives and gradually results in a habit that never leaves them.
In short, if one feels that elders are not respected in the society, it is not only the fault of the younger generation. Moreover, even if there is no virtue in the elders, if the younger generation can respect the elders, there is nothing better than it but in the Kali Yuga, the possibility of honoring the non deserving is very less. However, it is my personal opinion that the elders have to work selflessly to prepare such an excellent generation if you want respect in your life from your offspring.