Being an average student and slow in writing, Siddharth was a victim of his teacher’s rebuke most of the time and remained a laughing stock among his classmates, all his school life. He hardly had any friends and literally took a sigh of relief when he passed out after tenth standard. The bad effects of those terrible teenage years have stayed with him even today. Although he has grown to be outspoken and knowledgeable, it wasn’t an easy journey. He toiled to build a strong personality and now doesn’t allow anyone to step on him.
Nevertheless, when he says something, he looks around to see if people approve of him. That self doubt is deep rooted somewhere even in the present.A bad childhood: many aspects come under this broad umbrella. A bad childhood can be defined as a phase of life when the physical, emotional, mental or sexual securities were not taken care of or guaranteed. Lack of education, poverty, harassment, comparison, favouritism, molestation, physical and verbal abuse, are just to name a few.
It can have a long lasting impact on an individual depending on his or her sensitivity and what kind of help they received while growing up.The biggest blow comes on self-esteem and confidence. The person feels inferior and less capacitated than others. The courage to take risks in life is beyond thinking and they don’t want to come out of their comfort zone.
Mahendra was his alcoholic father’s punching bag right from when he was five years old. It shattered his personality to the extent that stammering became part of him, like second skin. Therapies helped, but only to reduce it. It didn’t go away completely.
Blame game is another huge monster that can haunt a person for a prolonged period. Even after growing out of an ugly childhood, what others have put in your head, remains deep rooted and you look at yourself from that person’s perspective. Like for example,
“It was because of me that my father became an alcoholic.” Or
“It was my doing that my mother committed suicide.”
NO! But the fact that each one is a matured individual and solely responsible for their own consequences, doesn’t register easily.
“Because of you, your father left us. Why did I give birth to a girl child!” These words haunted Maya all her life, even after her mother’s death.
Bad childhood can have both positive and negative effects on a person. If somebody has been cruel to you, you might become more sensitive to the needs of others- positive. Nonetheless, if you are filled with rage and wish to give back with equal force, then you also might start doing what happened with you- negative.Our life rotates a lot on the type of personality we build and live with. And the kind of childhood you’ve had plays a major role in shaping you and your future.
Even if you have had a bad childhood, but if you meet compassionate and empathetic people along the way, who are willing to listen, understand and hold your hand, then believe me you are one lucky guy.
Although she grew up in an orphanage, Mitali turned out to be a very smart and kind hearted person. The reason being she found very good mentors during school and college. They didn’t allow her to fall back on her bad memories of the orphanage.
We all love ourselves and there’s absolutely no shame in reaching out for professional help if need be. If you don’t have it in you to cope with your past on your own, no worries. There are people who are equipped and waiting to serve you. It will not only make you stronger but might completely diminish the bad effects of your ugly childhood, which is interfering with your present and stopping you from living a happy life.
As you mature and become learned, have a pep talk with yourself from time to time. Why allow your past to dominate your present? It’s long dead and gone. Now your life is in your hands, shape it the way you want.
I would suggest, read stories of others, reach out and meet as many people as you can. When you listen to the experiences and tales of another person, you won’t feel alone and moreover it gives you new ideas and courage to face all adversities of life with a smile.
Shamim Merchant
