Marriage !!! A word with multiple emotions, feelings and many beautiful memories. Basically we all know the meaning of this word and it’s importance in our life , but do we really know that ?
Marriage refers to a beautiful bond shared between two peoples wherein they share their emotions, feelings, memories and many more. If this bond is really that immersive then why are there so much problems and issues regarding this bond.
Here, in India a marriage is more like a festival than to being an ordinary event or function. By just hearing this one word marriage we get so excited, we just wait for the ceremonies to begin to meet our dear and loved ones and most importantly to see the two persons getting united in this beautiful bond of marriage.
But in today’s era are we really knowing that nostalgic importance of marriage ?
Maybe not, because in today’s era we are much more messed up and confused with it. We are confused that we wanna marry or not and those who are married many of them aren’t really that happy or satisfied with it.
So basically to understand the further deep sorts regarding the marriage let us first understand what marriage actually is the bond of two persons who get in it. Let’s first try to understand that.
So basically two persons meet in this bond either arranged or fallen in love with each other. If they both get agreed regarding the marriage whether in arranged manner or love proposals they both get excited for the wedding day but forget what it means to be in a marriage.
Wedding means, “A ceremony usually with it’s accompanying festivities”.
Marriage means, “The state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by the law”.
So in both the cases i.e., a wedding or a marriage which one are we actually prepared for ?
It’s better to understand a marriage before taking any decisions regarding it because it doesn’t only involves two persons or just two families it includes of the whole community and the society we live in.
In India more than Rs.1,00,000 crores are spent every year on wedding.
We want to have an incredible wedding, but we also want to build incredible marriages. We invest in wedding planners, but we don’t have marriage mentors.
How strong our marriages would be if we invested our time and energy on learning, growing together, getting guidance and advice ?
⦁ Weddings need Planning. Marriages require commitment.
⦁ Weddings need Organization. Marriages require Adaptability.
⦁ Weddings need Date. Marriages require Lifetime.
⦁ Weddings need a Guest list. Marriages require a Community.
⦁ Weddings need a Set of vows. Marriages require Consistent gratitude.
⦁ Weddings need a Wedding outfit. Marriages requires Complete transparency.
⦁ Weddings need a Promise. Marriages require Practicality.
⦁ Weddings need Words. Marriages require Action.
We all want to have a marriage more beautiful than our wedding but we invest the other way around. It’s better to have a small wedding and a big marriage, than to have a big wedding and a small marriage.
We’re ready to walk down the aisle, but are we ready to walk a thousand miles ?
We can have an amazing day but not in the expense of an amazing life.
So until here we came to know what marriage actually is and how should we go for it.
Now let us try to understand it’s importance.
So there is a very huge change in our life when we get married, the change isn’t only for those who get married but also for their family, as at one side one member reduces from the family while on the other one member increases.
Let’s understand the changes inl life of those who actually get married what changes comes in his/her life. Before marrying we are the ruler of our own wishlist but after marriage things change accordingly.
Same happens with our feelings, emotions our personal sorts and stories everything which was personal to us, we now have someone to share them, but are we really wanting to share them or we still feel insecure ?
In marriage we have to share all things tangible, intangible everything. The physical assets such as property, money etc. and the non physical but important things such as our happiness, the short time fun moments, every moment of glow or mourns and sometimes in all this we also have to compromise.
Here comes the big deal or not that big i.e., to compromise. Most of us can’t compromise on our things or sorts due to multiple reasons. But the most important thing is when you have to share your whole life with someone you have to compromise one thing to gain another.
Let’s try to understand this with the help of a simple example, the story of a porcupine.
There was a group of porcupines, who lived in a forest on the outskirts of a small town. One year during the winter, the temperature dropped to 15 degrees below zero i.e., minus 15 degree Celsius. All of the porcupines gathered together to discuss, ways to discuss a strategy to survive the winter. As they came together, they realized the temperatures of their bodies put together had created a warmth. They felt hopeful that they can now survive this cold winter. There was a problem however! Porcupines have this sharp poking quills! And each porcupine can have as many as 30,000 quills. Whilst they were all together, each of their quills were poking someone else in the group. One of the porcupines just couldn’t handle this. He said, “I cannot tolerate this any longer” and left the group. As this porcupine was now alone in the forest, reality dawned upon him, that he cannot tolerate this cold winter alone. He had a choice. Be uncomfortable together, tolerating some of the sharp poking of the quills of the other porcupines, but survive the winter based on the warmth. Or to be alone and comfortable and die out of the cold, frigid winter. The porcupine returned back to the group and as he enter and huddled into the group, he experienced the warmth and survived the winter.
In our relationships as well, there is a package deal. We can experience the warmth of meaningful, loving relationships. But that warmth comes with another dimension as well. The sharp poking of the quills; digging of the nose, insensitive speech, unsophisticated behaviour. So like every coin has two sides the same is with this too. You can either get the warmth of love and will have to tolerate some poking of the quills. Or you can comfortably be alone by yourself and miss out on the most amazing deep bonding’s and the warmth of love. The choice is always yours.
So after all this the question arises where many of us get confused and conflicted too and the question is whom to marry ? So there a lots of questions that one should marry to the person of his/her choice or to their parents choice.
So let’s try to understand this, for a parents their child is their reason to be proud he/she is their ego and for a child their parents are their ideal their inspiration without even saying anything a parents understands what their child wants and put in efforts to accomplish their wishes. Now on the other side the child who always puts in effort to make his/her parents feel proud, but this beautiful bond gets weak or breaks out at a particular situation in life. The situation arises when the child wants to choose their life partner by them selves. But why at this situation the bond gets weaker or breaks down ?
Now the reason behind this is lack of communication. When the topic of child’s marriage arises, the parents think that in this case what should be asked to the child, we won’t select someone inappropriate for him/her. And the child concedes that it’s his/her own right to choose their future. Both of them are unhappy but no one of them is able to talk. So now what should be done ?
It should be like that the parents should understand the desire of the child with the same affection and the child should take the parents in the faith with the same faith. Just try to communicate once, both present and future will automatically become fine.
~ Abhishek soni