Every element of nature has a ripening period, like mango bears fruit in five years, millet ripens on ninety days wheat grows in four months, in the same way every relationship takes a natural time to mature. I feel that the sweetness of relationships is fading because we can’t afford the time which need to be given. In “love at first sight”, the same logic may be working behind the fact that love happens at first sight and then the outburst of love settles down so fast. As in the case of plants, in an attempt to artificially inoculate a plant early in time, the plant either grows prematurely or lacks the necessary sweetness and nutritional benefits.
Our ignorance and selfishness do not allow us to understand the natural laws and fruiting period behind every element. In the same way, due to the complete absence of time, patience and care required to build a new relationship or revive a broken one, the relationship cannot be revived and we come to believe that it is not possible to reconnect once the glass and the relationship are broken. Even if the connection is made, the joint will remain, but if the relationship is understood or improved in its natural form through real and deep understanding, then the joint of that relationship can also disappear and the original form and sweetness can be regained. But it requires understanding, patience, selflessness and proper treatment as well as the natural time element. E.g. If a person’s health is deteriorating, carelessness can lead to the gradual development of a common illness and even can reach to the ICU. In the same way, if the relationship is deteriorating or neglected in the beginning, it can reach the ICU. Just as it takes time for a patient to recover from an ICU, it does take time for a relationship to recover. It can also lead to permanent loss of a person or relationship if the required treatment is not given at the right time by proper diagnosis. Relationships usually deteriorate as slowly as health. But towards the deteriorating relationship we are initially careless and inattentive and take the relationship deliberately to the ICU. When the realization comes, we expect the relationship to improve by just saying “sorry” and becoming as loving as it was back then.
Moreover, we do not accept any joint or incompleteness in it. But do you think that is possible? Even if the patient is admitted to the ICU at the right time, the best doctor is treating him, the right medicine is being taken from time to time, the relatives are taking proper care of him, it takes time to get out and get back to normal. Also, it would take years to become as healthy and fit as before. That we all know but unfortunately this same understanding we may not be able to cultivate about relationships. By diligent carelessness we spoil a very healthy relationship, take it to the ICU, even after it is delivered to the ICU we fail to give it proper treatment, find the right doctor, do proper service and care. We expect the relationship to be the same as it was before, when it may be too late. Is that possible? First of all, it should be understood that like health, in relation also we should be enough alert as soon as it starts deteriorating. But unfortunately still today we did not do that in both the matters. We are only smart in saying that “precaution is better than cure”. We never take the precaution necessary to sustain a relationship. Don’t pay attention for a while even after spoiling it and believe that over time everything will improve. Do you think it is possible? As soon as we realize the deteriorating relationship, we should start giving it proper treatment so as not to create a fatal situation. Even if the deteriorating relationship may not be realized at the beginning due to excessive engagement, the finest honest efforts should be done with a very deep understanding and patience to make the relationship normal and sweet as it was before. Just as we strive to heal a patient who has been admitted to the ICU, same should be done for relations.
Such as taking care of his choice, buying emotional gifts for him, constantly making him feel love, giving up ego, apologizing for mistakes, taking constant care, etc. As we try to keep the sick person happy, give them proper medicine, take them to nice places for mood change, make natural efforts to increase their immunity, the same kind of treatment should be given to improve the relationship and most importantly It should not be forgotten that it is necessary to be patient and give enough time. Just like a patient who has gone to ICU gets proper medicine, doctor’s guidance, warmth and service of relatives, it takes time for him to become normal and healthy. Also, the recovery deadline is different for each patient. In the same way, the timeline can be different for each damaged relationship, despite proper treatment. The recovery timeline depends on how damaged the relationship is. If a person is injured, it is possible to recover from the treatment sooner or later, but it is useless to take care of the dead no matter what. In the same way, as long as the relationship is injured, it can be healed by giving proper treatment. It cannot be regained despite the indomitable will. But such a small thing we cannot understand for life. So nothing comes of life except sorrow, pain and regret. I’ve seen a man ruin a relationship in full consciousness, kill it and then just wish to become as it is with simple word “sorry” that is also too immediately. Don’t you think is sheer stupidity or unnatural expectation. The patient who arrives at the ICU can become fit overnight?
Can we expect that fast recovery? which is never possible because there are certain laws of nature which applies seamlessly to every element of creation. Reviving a broken relationship in a short time requires the same kind of treatment that is done to rehabilitate an ICU patient, and the element of time and patience is just as important as the perfect treatment. But we just want to get back to everything that was through sorry which is not possible even if God wills. If someone says that “I plant mango tree today and I want fruit tomorrow. Because I believe so much in God, I have strength in my prayers, I give mangoes a very good grooming (i.e. fertilizer, water etc.) and therefore I have the right to expect immediate fruit. So what do you think is possible? In the same way, in order to improve the relationship, it is necessary to give a certain amount of time, even after whole-hearted effort. E.g. In case of fractures, it takes at least a month and a half of healing even if you give the best doctor, the best medicine and the best care. Same is required to revive the damaged relationship. The relationship can be revived and healed with honest sincere efforts and patience but it should be started at right time because the whole hearted efforts are meaningless after the death of the relation. Injured man can be healed not dead or injured relation can be revived not the dead relation.
Every relationship has “heaven made” gestation or fruition period. At the fixed time it thrives and fades but there is always room for revival after fading. All that is needed is a proper understanding of this reaping time as well as sincere loving and selfless efforts. If we understand this much, I think the sweetness of the relationship will be maintained. Time being relationships can be eclipsed but can be revived with the sense of right timing and proper grooming. What cannot be possible by firm determination and selfless loving efforts? I Hope everyone will make sincere effort in life to maintain the relationship and revive a broken relationship.
Shilpa shah director in-charge HKBBA College