Suraj and Kishore, cousins and only five years old. After playing in the park nearby, when they come back home, both are upset and go straight to their mothers. Due to a mistake of their own, another boy had bullied them at the park. When they told their mommies of what had happened, this is how they had reacted.
Suraj’s mommy:”Baby, it was your mistake. Did you say sorry?”
“You should have, then he would have liked it and wouldn’t have shouted at you.”
Kishore’s mommy:”How dare he bully my little boy! Next time he comes near, give back hard, do you understand?”
Needless to say, in future if a similar situation arises, they are going to react according to what their mothers have put in them today.
A very simple example but it holds a very strong philosophy behind it. Whatever your child imbibes in his childhood goes a long way in building his character and is highly responsible in shaping his life ahead. When you teach your child something, you are actually teaching your child’s child.
But this article is about more than that.
When two people marry, each one brings in the good and the bad from their side of the family. What they have grown up with and have been living with all their lives. Habits, values, beliefs, culture, and thought process. When they start living together, and as different situations, circumstances and episodes unfurl in their life, they discuss, ponder, argue and come to a common decision. They adapt themselves to the habits and nature of their spouse. Certain things they like and make it a part of their characteristic and other aspects they try to change in their partner as per their lifestyle.
These values, qualities and beliefs pass on to their children and in the process get carried forward to the next generation. So basically you are giving your child what is in you and what you believe in.
As husband and wife you may have different ideas and outlook towards life. Even your goals and ambitions may vary from one another. Perfectly fine. But as parents, it is important that both father and mother have a common understanding as to how you want to nurture your little angel. Obviously, you would always want the best for your children. Howbeit, are you both on the same page?
Mother wants the room spic and span before her son leaves for school, but father is okay with the mess. Father can’t tolerate lies and mother teaches her daughter how to give excuses. Mother wants to see the son at the temple and father encourages him to slip away to a friend’s party.
Such discrepancies are not only confusing and harmful to your child, but just imagine what respect and trust does he have for his parents? Sadly, you may soon realise that your son is planning schemes of his own. He already knows how to use one parent against the other.
It is completely normal to have differences. But what’s necessary is to discuss in private and come to a common decision, which your child must see as unitedly one. If father says no for something, the child must get this feeling,”It’s no use asking mom. She’ll also say no only.”
No schools, books, courses and articles can teach you parenting. It’s a totally trial and error process and unique to each one of us. Nevertheless we are set out to give the best to our child from both the worlds.
As parents we can reflect back and learn from our parents. What you liked, take it and apply it. What you didn’t, don’t repeat the same mistakes with your children.
A beautiful quote:
“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.”