1. “Why don’t you understand this simple thing! You are expected to tidy your room before leaving the house. How difficult is that?” Rohini was deeply frustrated with her son’s careless routine. In spite of several harsh reminders, he hadn’t changed.
2. Lately, Sarah had begun to stay depressed. Her father had great expectations from her. He wanted her to become a lawyer. So curbing her artistic skills, she went on to study law. Although she tried very hard, her heart and soul were always in her paintings. First semester results had blown the roof with her father’s anger.
3. Mithilesh was an insurance agent. He was expected to meet the target of five lakhs, within the deadline of two months, if he wanted to enjoy the commission percentage that was promised.
EXPECTATIONS!!!
The third example is more to do with your job, for what you are being paid. It must not be confused with expectations. But the other two episodes are the root cause on which our levels of depression, frustration and happiness keep oscillating like a pendulum.
We need clarity on a few questions to live a better and a stress free life where expectations are concerned. Let’s ponder.
Why do we expect ?
When you have obliged someone, it is human nature to expect a return favour. You have to be very generous to do the act of kindness selflessly. Many a times, depending on the relationship you are in, a lot of things are taken for granted. If you are a wife, it is expected you will cook, keep the house clean and do a thousand other chores, even if you are a working woman. If you are a son, you are expected to respect your father, even if he is drunken or cruel.
Is there a limit of how much to expect ?
This definitely depends on from whom you are expecting. If you have an upper hand, then needless to say, you are in a position to expect more and of course vice versa. It also goes without saying, we tend to expect more from people who are close to us; friends and family.
I wouldn’t want to go all philosophical and say, “To be happy it’s best not to expect at all.” Because that’s absolutely humanly not possible. Important is to be smart enough and filter. What, when, how much and from whom to expect. Let’s have a sneak peek into this aspect for a more peaceful life.
When we expect out of others ?
It is extremely vital to be aware of the reality. Be practical and realistic. Are your expectations achievable? Is the person from whom you are expecting, equipped to fulfill your wants? Both physically and mentally, sometimes even emotionally. Are you expecting from others something which you yourself wouldn’t want to do? Are you aware of the flaws and shortcomings of that person?
Please don’t be baffled by my questions. It’s a better way of looking within, than me giving you a lecture on how to limit your expectations. When you are able to answer the above queries to yourself, you will have a stronger judgement of how to restrict your expectations from others. Remember, expectations are subjective and a very, very personal affair. My key suggestion would be to voice out and tell the person upfront what you expect out of them. Give and get a clear picture. Set achievable targets, so that success rate is higher than frustration and disappointment.
When others expect out of us ?
Sarah was unhappy because she was not living the life she wanted. She was trying hard to fulfill her father’s expectations. She felt a piece of herself was missing, because she let her father determine her choices. Here I won’t ask you any questions. It’s loud and clear that we must take the responsibility of our own decisions and must have the ownership of how we want to lead our life. It is nice to oblige others. But not at the cost of your own peace and happiness. Be humble, be respectful. But at the end, don’t forget the choice is yours. You cannot live a happy life, if you keep trying to live the way others want you to. Here again I would say, communication is important. Let the person know why you are doing something in a certain way, reason out.
Towards the end, I would go a dash philosophical and say that it is far more enduring to set expectations from yourself. They inspire and motivate you to achieve substantial dreams in life. Let me end with a beautiful quote:“Things are as they are. We suffer because we imagined it differently.”
–Shamim Merchant
